Lest I Forget
by Aqua Sunshine
Summary: For the sake of the Jyuunishi, Honda Tohru gave herself up to pay the ultimate price. But are even the strongest emotions the girl holds for those she was forced to forget not enough to overpower the curse? Canon pair TBA later, pls R&R!
1. Goodbye Forever?

**DiScLaImEr – **Nah…not mine…*But* it'd make a nice birthday present, ne? ^^;; 

**JuSt a LiL note – **_SuRpRiSe~!! _ YupYup…another Fruits Basket ficcy…_not_ a one-shot, no matter how much ppl luv/hate it, although hopefully it'll be more of the former ^^*  This is a lil birthday present from me to you…(yes, it's my birthday today~!  Woo-hoo~!!  Better to give than to receive, rite??  So here ya'll go~!!) I just thought I'd write something other than my regular fic for a change, seeing how I haven't written anything FB-related after that one-shot.  Well…I'll leave the rest of the blabbering for the bottom…enjoy~!

All characters' thinking will be done in BOLD…cuz ya never know when the stupid italics will decide to like me and work… ^^;;

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**~*~ Lest I Forget ~*~**

_Chapter 1 ~ Goodbye Forever?_

````````````````````````````````````````````````

````````````````````````````````````````````````

**So this is it.  **

I took a deep breath and looked around me one last time, as if trying to memorize the details of the room which will serve as the burial of my memories—memories of the past two years, all of which I have cherished with my whole entire being…with my whole heart.

It's ironic, really.  I thought that I'd have learned the first time how to truly cherish everything that is important to me, just so that I don't have to wake up one day and realize it's gone.  Important things, people…and even important memories.  

It's funny how happy times seem to know how to just pass you by without you noticing…funny how the best times always go by so quickly, yet you never fully understand just how important they are to you until the moment you realize that there will be no more.  No more of those times which I hold as precious treasures within my heart.  

**God, I'm going to miss you so much…all of you…but especially **_you_**.**

**I never got to tell you, either…never got to tell you how I feel about you.**

Closing my eyes briefly in attempt to control the tears which threaten to fall, I took one last staggered deep breath and turned to face the one responsible for this painful ordeal.  

"Akito-san…I…I'm ready." I said to him in a soft whisper—the loudest voice I could muster up.

"It took you long enough." He hissed.

Smirking in satisfaction, Sohma Akito was ultimately pleased, yet a little surprised too at how everything were finally working out according to his liking.  This pest of a girl—this…this imbecile who dared to defy his orders, who had bewitched members of his clan—_his_ clan!—to disobey his wishes—was finally going to be gone from their lives forever.  Certainly his own dearly beloved relatives did not need _her _to interfere with their lives any longer than she already has…they had _him_ still, after all.  They were to obey him no matter what, or face the consequences…did he not teach them that, through physical _and_ emotional means, since he was still a child?  Ah…yes…a child…and yet so powerful and cruel a child he was that even the eldest of those whom he kept closest to himself and came closest to trusting, the twelve cursed by the zodiac, obeyed his every wimp.  That's not to mention all the other members—pawns, really—of his large clan.  

**And that is just the way things should be.**Akito continued to smirk maliciously, taking complete enjoyment out of the distress of the girl before him.    

"Hatori," he started, taking pleasure in the pained look on the usually stoic man's face, "wipe away her memory—leave nothing that has anything at all to do with the Sohmas.  She will not need to know who we are; she will not need to remember meeting Yuki, or Shiguire, or anyone else.  I will be relocating her to a new school, and a new area to live in…away from everyone.  Oh…and her sad excuses for friends…that Yankee and that denpa…wipe them from her memories too.  Leave nothing but the hurt of being almost newly orphaned by her mother…leave nothing but the pain and the sorrow that she felt, sitting beside that woman's death bed."  

**That's right…leave her nothing but pain.  **Akito thought to himself as he felt his face twist into an ugly sneer.  **Leave her with nothing but sorrow…for all the trouble she has caused me.  Leave her with a broken and unmendable heart…just as she deserves. **

A strangled sob escaped from the girl sitting before him, finally unable to contain her tears.  Seeing her reaction, Akito saw his personal doctor's features deepen in the pain he was feeling.  Rising softly from his position on the windowsill, Akito made his way over to the girl.  Bending down, he lifted her chin up with one hand lightly, forcing her to look him in the eye.  

"You can still turn back now, you know." He cooed almost gently, if not for the pricking cruelty evident in his soft voice.  "However," leaning in closer to her, his hair brushing her face, he dropped his voice to a low, soft tone, "the others will not be given that luxury.  Do you really wish to see them the way they are now?  You know I will not allow them to leave my presence until you disappear…and I believe we both know just how much they are enjoying staying with me here.  Each in their own chamber, awaiting my company."  

Silence.  Nothing in the entire mansion seemed to dare intrude the crucial moment in that one room, save for the continual soft sobs escaping from the shaking girl's lips.  

**I'm so afraid…I don't want to lose them.  But I…but I….**

"I…I…"  **C'mon Tohru…for their sake.  I have to.**"I'm not going to turn back…not now."  

"Very good."  Rising from his bend position, Akito looked over to the only remaining occupant in the room.  "Hatori, I believe that was your cue."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hatori closed his eyes in pain.

**This is all my fault.  **

Mustering all his strength, Hatori could barely make himself open his eyes.  He did not want to meet the gaze of the sneering family head, who had probably never looked so pleased in his life, nor did he want to meet the gaze of the crying girl, so brave and so strong in spirit, willing to give up everything for those she cared about…yet so frail and breakable at the same time.  

What am I going to do? 

`````````````````````````````````````

`````````````````````````````````````

Okay okay…before anyone kills me…**GOMEN NASAI**~!!  As evil as I made Akito, I seriously *don't* hate him~!!  I mean, read my other FB fic!  I made him so nice in it!!! o_O  Demo…for the sake of this story, I need him to be mean.  So, to all the Akito fans out there…gomen ne!  And I also have absolutely nothing against Tohru, Uo-chan and Hana-chan…juss…coming from an "evil Akito"'s perspective…wouldn't they sound like that??  *puppy eyes* 

That aside…was it that bad?  I know it was probably a lil short…but since this chappie was my test-guppie (aka. guinea pig…^^*), so I didn't make it any longer in case I get murdered for it #_#  Please tell me what you think, okay??  No revelations of pairings whatsoever yet…but it *will* (obviously…) be a 1+Tohru fic…and the ending??  Who knows?  =^^=  I was gunna saying something (and I originall _had, _before I came back to change the formatting…but decided against giving away too much of the story~!  But I'll say this: I like Fruits Basket too much to ruin the story, so chances are, I wunt be **too **overly horribly to it… Demo ne…if I offend too many ppl (wiv my evil Akito & just the way the story's laid out)…and you guys dunt like this chappie…well *sobs* I guess I just can't continue with it. 

Anyhow…while it still exists…comments/criticisms most welcomed~!!  The sooner you tell me what you think, the sooner I can continue/it can disappear!!!

  
~Aqua Sunshine ^^* 


	2. And If I Forget?

**DiScLaImEr – **Anyone wanna buy it for me?? I wouldn't mind, really~!

Characters' thinking done in **BOLD**~! Enjoy ^^*

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

~*~ Lest I Forget ~*~ 

_Chapter 2 ~ And if I forget?_

`````````````````````````````````````

`````````````````````````````````````

When he was young, he had once been told that he was lucky—his curse was the most powerful out of the twelve…he had the ability to wipe away other's memories as he pleased. So once he understood the world better, won't he see that it really wasn't so much a curse as it is a gift?

Well…he's seen the world at its best and its worse, although more of the latter—and it was still a curse. 

The only difference now is that it is much worse of a curse than it ever was.

Than it ever will be.

He had once erased _her_ memories…memories of the one who had first brought sunshine into his life, who had been the first to show him that he didn't have to live his life everyday by sufferings and hurt because of his curse. She had been his spring, his happiness…his one and only love…and he had erased her memories.

And now…and now he had to erase _her_ memories as well… Hatori closed his eyes in pain and defeat—gestures that was so unlike his personality—and mentally wished with all his heart that this was not happening…not again…not to her. The only difference this time around was that she had not only brought sunshine back into his life, so that he could catch a glimpse of its warmth again, but also into the lives of others in the zodiac who were fortunately enough to meet her…to love her. 

She was the one who taught them—the younger _and _older Jyuunishi—that maybe…just maybe…life still held a meaning for all of them…that they weren't meant to live cowering all their lives because they were made worthless by the curse and by Akito. She was the one who always wore a smile on her face and was cheerful even through the toughest situations, teaching them that they could always hope for a better day tomorrow.

Opening his eyes, Hatori felt a single tear escape from his good eye, expressing the pain he felt but could not speak of. She looked up at him bravely, eyes glittering with unshed tears, face reddened from her earlier crying and lip trembling as she gave herself up to pay the utmost sacrifice for their sakes.

"Hatori-san…go ahead." she said a bit shakily, voice small and almost inaudible if not for the complete silence which had settled over the room. "Please…don't feel responsible for this. I just…I just want to make everything all right for everyone again. When I think of that, I'm just grateful that I can do something to help…and I don't regret it—not now, not ever. No price is too great to pay, if it means I could be of help to you, and everyone else."

The girl closed her eyes, smiling a little sadly with shaky lips as tears once again began to fall silently on their own accord. 

"I'm just glad…glad to have met all of you. Arigatou gozaimasu." **I know that, in my heart, I will never forget any of you…you're all far too important to me for me to ever forget. I just wish that I could have told you—all of you—just how special each of you are to me…and have the chance to say one last good-bye. But now…all I can do is pray with my whole heart that you will all be okay, and be able to continue live smiling as happily as I know all of you can. **

**Okaa-san…won't you look over them for me? I'll miss them so…**

As an image of a smiling Yuki, Shigure, Kyou, Hatori, Ayame, Hatsuharu and Kisa at the Sohma lake house flashed across her memories, a blaze of light emitted from Hatori's hand before her eyes, and the last thing she felt was the wetness of Hatori's hand as he erased her memories…

And a gentle darkness overtook her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sneering from his standing position behind the usually inexpressive man, Sohma Akito was quite utterly satisfied, to say the very least.

**Didn't I tell you that there are none who could escape me? That there are none who could disobey me and get away with it? **

Looking down at his personal doctor, who had been sitting prone before the unconscious girl since he had been forced into erasing her memories, Akito was surprised to see that the stoic man was silently crying.

"My my Hatori…this is all just so very touching, isn't it?" he said, standing over the motionless man, sarcasm dripping heavily in his voice. "The poor little twit! The innocent and _stupid_ little lamp, presenting herself before the alter as a sacrifice."

Still smirking in having finally regained his superior control over his clan, Akito was unpleasantly stunned when the usually calm and obedient Hatori suddenly stood up and looked down at him from his higher position, face close to his own and glaring.

"Don't _ever _talk about her like that." the unnaturally angered man hissed at him in a low growl—a manner true to his fierce dragon spirit. 

With that, Hatori spun around, picked the broken girl up in a way extremely contradictory to his tone, and stalked out the door, leaving a shocked and somewhat frightened looking Akito standing in the middle of the room by himself. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Haru-niichan…?" 

"Eh Kisa? What's wrong?" Sohma Hatsuharu asked the girl imprisoned in the room next to his quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear them and report it to the family head, knowing that Akito would just further punish his younger cousin for attempting to talk to someone else. Wincing, the seventeen-year-old ox crawled to lean on the wall which separated them, body stiff and still in pain from the harsh 'lessons' he had been receiving from Akito.

**It's not like we can do anything about it, either. **He thought tiredly. **We can't fight back, because he's the family head—and because he'd just take it out on the others here who wouldn't be able to do anything to him…who would be helpless against him. God! Sometimes I wish I could just beat the shit out of him and have it over with! **

Feeling his Black personality coming on, Sohma Hatsuharu rubbed his eyes and sighed, not wanting to further upset 'little Kisa' by being upset himself.

**As hard as it is on me, it must be harder for her still. She's still so little…she shouldn't have to suffer like this with the rest of us…shit! We should've seen this coming! We should have been able to protect her…her, Momiji, and even Hiro…and… **

**And Rin… **

For a moment, the ox froze, lost in thoughts concerning the girl whom he cared so much for…yet whom does not realize his feelings for her.

**Well…she either doesn't understand just how I feel about her…or she just doesn't care… But either way…where the hell is Akito keeping her? What has he done to her? Wherever you are Rin…I hope he's treating you well… I'm sorry…that I can't be there to protect you this time either… **

"Onii-chan?" Kisa asked across the wall in a concerned soft voice, startling the boy out of his thoughts.

"Oi Kisa?" he asked her just as softly.

"What…what do you think is going to happen to us?"

**That's a very good question.**The black-and-white haired boy thought wryly. Now how could he answer that question without destroying all forms of hope for her? Hatsuharu decided to go with the truth.

"I dunno Kisa…I just don't know."

The only reply he received was a very much audible sigh coming from the other side of the wall, followed by a head slumping against it. Hatsuharu could only settle himself by the wall for the night as the two took some comfort in keeping each other company in a forcedly silent manner.

On the other side of the wall, Kisa blinked back tears as she cradled her sore and wounded arm, hurt when she had tried to protect herself against the much stronger and angered Akito that same morning. Pale moonlight spilled gently into the room, illuminating the glistening tears on her cheeks. Looking up at the silent moon through the only window in that rather tiny room, the fifteen-year-old girl could not help but wonder if this was to be her home forever.

**Although**_, _Kisa smiled ironically up at the moon as even more tears made their way down her cheeks, **it really isn't much of a home, is it?**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There are still those who thought him to be lucky—if he were to ever encounter unpleasant incidents in his lifetime, even after twenty-six years in it, all he had to do was erase them from himself…and from those who were involved in it. He could change everything around him in order to achieve for himself the perfect life, be the perfect human being…after all, if you could just erase your mistakes everytime you make them, couldn't you live your life perfectly, and have more than just one 'second chance'? 

But these are those who did not take in account that life was more than just erasing your mistakes and correcting them, over and over again.

These people are those who did not take in account that humans had emotions and feelings…feelings which could change everything—and he is, cursed or not, still a human being.

Looking over at the girl currently in a dreamless hypnotic sleep on his clinic bed, Hatori's heart felt saddened all over again. Sighing, he looked out the large window in his relatively small clinic, where the skies were clear and blue in the middle of a warm spring day. **Those who thought I was lucky…they were fools who did not understand. They didn't understand what it meant to live…what it meant for us to keep on living in a world where we have to hide ourselves in order to survive.**

**They don't understand that there are things that just aren't reversible…precious things that you can never get back no matter how hard you may try… **

And he had just done something that he could not reverse, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much he was willing to give to exchange for it. 

He had just erased their sunshine, their own source of warmth…the joy to their pathetically saddened and burdened lives. Hatori felt as if the sun had all of a sudden set…as if winter had once again set its permanent grasp on his heart. 

And this time…this time it wasn't just him…

This time he had to tell the others…tell them what they had done to the single spring lily of their lives.

What a curse.

`````````````````````````````````````

`````````````````````````````````````

Oooo…second chappie is dune dune dune~!!! *laughing hysterically* Ahem… ^^;; What did you think?? Like I mentioned in the last chappie, I'd like this story to actually be a ficcy 'stead of just a one-shot…and I'm really hoping that it'll work out! I hoped you guys liked it, but nethertheless, tell me what ya thought of it, and if there's anything I've gotten wrong (especially all my attempts at keeping the right Jap names!! Man alive…it gets so confusing!!!) or you just absolutely can't stand, alrito??

As Hatori-centric as this seems to be right now, it wunt last o_O Not that I'm saying I dunt like him, but other characters will come into focus too…as soon as I can work them in ^^;; Right now the focus is more on him cuz…well, he was the only other one there to make erasing Tohru's memories possible, ne?? And I **do** like him XD

One last thing…*grins* A big thank you goes to everyone who reviewed last time~!! *sobs* You guys dunt know how much it means to me that you actually liked it~!! Although I have to admit…this ficcy is starting out quite a bit darker than I had intended for it to. *shrugs* It'll work out (I hope!)…and it'll get lighter as it goes…as much as I want it to be angsty at times, I want it to be funny too, to balance it out :D

Oh rite! I keep forgetting~! If you would like to know when updates are, leave me your email this time when you review (pls do~!), or just send me your email (tell me what it's for, of course ^^), and I'll be more than happy to drop you a line whenever I update. If you reviewed having signed in last time and have your email on your "home" page…well, I've already emailed you about **this** update, so I should just shut up now XP But really…I always find that having updates announced to me is much simpler than going to check ever so often, cuz ya never know when ppl might decide to update, you know? 

*looks above* Anyhow…well, I kinda said this already, but comments, criticisms n' anything else most welcomed…fire away~! 

~Aqua Sunshine ^^*


	3. A New Beginning?

**DiScLaImEr – **Anyone wanna buy it for me??  I wouldn't mind, really~!

**Lalalaladadadada~! *singing continued…* ^^;;  Ahem…characters' thinking done in BOLD, as usual~!  Enjoy =^^=**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**~*~ Lest I Forget ~*~**

_Chapter 3 – A New Beginning?_

````````````````````````````````````````````````

````````````````````````````````````````````````

He drove through the still-silent streets of Tokyo with a heavy heart, although his face remained as expressionless as ever.  Overhead, the gray, rainy skies reflected his bottled-up feelings of gloominess and sadness.  Stopping at a red light, Sohma Hatori looked in the rear mirror to check on the sleeping girl, who was currently being secured by a ragged and tired looking Shigure.  

"She will wake up soon?" Shigure asked, his usually light and carefree voice strangely tight, his eyes guarded.

"Yes, she will." was his short, quiet response, his voice just as strained. 

"But she'll remember nothing."

"No."

Green light.  Putting his attention back on the roads, Hatori put the car back in motion, heading toward the apartment where they will promptly leave their little sunflower to wake to strange surroundings and with no memory of having ever met them…or just how much she had done to make their lives so much brighter.  

Shigure looked out the window for the first time since they had entered the car, wanting to distract himself from all the…_unpleasant_ emotions…he was feeling.  Sighing deeply, Shigure found himself wishing he was back in his prison in the main house again, preferring the emotional abuse from the family head over the ordeal at hand.  **It's not fair.**He found himself thinking, his eyes darting back to the sleeping form next to him, as if wanting to memorize every last detail of the girl who had given them so much.  **She never…this never should have happened!  Akito…you really went too far this time.**

*Flashback*

"Oh, Shigure," Sohma Akito called to him lightly—a manner so unlike his personality.  "I have a task for you to do: a last task before regaining your former freedom again.  But of course," smirking at the older man, who was looking worst for wear, Akito continued, enjoying his moment, "your _freedom_ is only as far as_ I _will permit.  You should be grateful to me…of everyone currently…staying…here, I'm letting you out first.  After all, you _are_ important to me, you know."  

Malice was evident in the young man's voice, and his eyes glinted with cruel intensions as he looked down at the dog from where he stood in the doorway.  

Struggling to get up, Shigure moved slowly toward the family head, untrusting in what he was up to.  While Akito did not physically harm him—_could _not physically harm him, really—he did a fine job of setting emotional damage to the novelist.  Akito had made him watch, helpless, as the somewhat frail young man inflicted pain upon those who could not fight him, watching him tie them up in chains and whipping them for his personal enjoyment…Shigure closed his eyes briefly, willing the images to go away.  Presently, he opened his eyes again and found that he was already quite close to the doorway, subconsciously wanting to get out of the hell-hole of a house as quickly as possible.  

But little did he know it was not to be.  

Walking slowly with the weakened dog, the family head brought them up to Hatori's more private medical office.  Uncertainty of the situation building with each step, what greeted Shigure there was something even he had never dreamed of seeing in all his lifetime.

An uncharacteristically emotional Hatori stood over the single bed in the examining room…a bed which held an unconscious girl.  Looking at his life-long friend, Shigure felt the dread of something horrible rising within him.  It was not everyday that one would see the doctor looking so distorted…so upset.  Looking into his friend's uncovered eye, the dog felt himself shudder involuntarily, frightened by the anger, hatred and grief held within them that seemed to threaten to consume him.  Distressed as he was by the dragon's reaction, Shigure found himself hesitating in discovering the cause which had done so much in aggravating the stoic Hatori.  Looking down at the girl currently sleeping before him, Shigure heard his own strangled choke, as if someone had knocked the wind out of him.  In an instant, he understood why his usually expressionless friend was so enraged.   

Honda Tohru slept on the clinical bed, looking as though she was sleeping peacefully to the uninformed world.  But what the uninformed world would not have notice was that her face was completely devoid of emotion…empty…_vacant_.  Nothing remained with the girl that provoked an expression in her slumber—not a smile, not a tear.  It was then that Shigure realized why the dragon was so infuriated, why the family head was so pleased, and why he would suddenly and seemingly graciously decide to release his flesh-and-blood human toys.  

Their release did not come freely; their release did not come due to a sudden knocking of their family head's conscience.  No…Shigure closed his eyes and shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of this scurrility, their freedom had come at a high price.

Their freedom came with a price-tag of a certain girl's memories begin erased.

And the certain girl willingly sacrificed herself to pay for their freedom.

Opening his eyes, Shigure looked from the zombie-like sleeping girl to the sneering family head…and had the sudden urge to strangle the boy right there and then, regardless of the consequences.  However, one look back at the slumbering girl before them stopped him.

Because even if he was to kill Akito then and there, it still will not bring back her memories…nothing will.

Nothing ever will.

*End Flashback*

**Why were you so willing?**He asked the girl silently, knowing that she can neither hear nor answer him, even if she had wanted to.  **Why didn't you think…even **_think!_**…about yourself, just this once?  **

Closing his eyes as if to shut out his pain, Shigure found that no matter how much he tried to look away from what had happened, he could not.  No…he could not simply look away from what she had done for them and live happily ever after.  He could not close his mind off from what had happened…because he could not forget—he did not _want _to forget.

But what good does remembering do now?  What good will come out of him remembering all the torture they had been put through, and the pain that will surely come?  No matter how much they will all certainly agonize, no matter how much they will wish things were different—it wouldn't change anything.  

No matter how much _they _remembered, she will not remember them.  

Sighing, Shigure turned from the windows to see a pair of unreadable eyes glancing at him from the rear mirror.  The novelist smirked ironically.  There was a time when it was widely known that Sohma Shigure was never overset—nothing could bother the carefree man for long, despite the face that he was cursed with the zodiac and lived under a tyrant of a family head.  Nothing ever hindered him long enough to make upset—he was untouchable.  But now…now there he was, sitting in the car, holding the sleeping girl's head on his lap loosely so that she doesn't get injured, and looking as if the sky had fallen to land on his shoulders and his shoulders alone.

The joys of learning how to care for others.  

About to look out the window again, Shigure was startled when the car stopped, and a monotoned voice spoke.

"We're here."    

Squinting at the tall apartment from inside the passenger window, almost at the heart of Tokyo city, Shigure felt his hands tighten their grip around the girl he was securing.  Silently he unbuckled both their seat belts and lifted the girl out of the car, feeling forlorn while trying to keep it from his tired face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The apartment Akito had given her was actually quite respectable in size and furnishing: a single bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, laundry room and a relatively large space to serve as the "common room"—all the necessary spacing she would need to live comfortably.  They proceeded to the bedroom, where the girl would soon wake from her hypnotic sleep.  Surprisingly, the two men found that the bed in the room, as well as some of the simple furnishings there and most of the clothing, were the same ones as those she owned and used at Shigure's house.  As he set her gently down on the very bed which he had bought for her, Shigure couldn't help but let the sadness he felt deep inside show on his face.

**When I return…home…tonight…there will be an empty bedroom.  **

Shaking his head and realizing that such thoughts could do him no good, he decided to break their silence.

"At least it looks like he was human enough to furnish her apartment." he said to his longtime friend beside him, noticing that his voice sounded oddly scratchy, despite his best efforts to keep it as even and normal as he could.

"I think he's spent a long time, waiting for this." was the quiet reply.  Angry and depressed as he already was, Shigure couldn't help but feel surprised as he saw that the dragon's hands were clenched in tight fists as they held the bedroom frame.  Walking out of the bedroom to look at the apartment, Shigure had to agree.  

"Setting up this apartment…even buying all these things…must have seemed like a way for him to confirm that this would happen.  A form of materializing what he was planning for her…to satisfy himself.  What a sick mind!" he suddenly cried, unable to contain himself.  Slamming the nearby kitchen counter.

Hatori stared wordlessly at his cousin, understanding how the other man was feeling.  With a sigh, the young doctor looked back in the bedroom and at the sleeping figure.  Seeing how one slender arm had fallen off the bed, he quietly went in to tuck it back in gently, not willing to disturb the girl.  Smiling a brotherly smile, he sat down in the room's single chair and felt his smile subside slowly, as if being melted away.

"How are we going to tell the others?" he said softly, as if asking the air itself for an answer.  Shigure walked back into the bedroom to crouch down beside him, frowning deeply.

"I don't know." was the equally soft reply.  In his mind's eye, the novelist could not even begin to imagine what his house would be like without her there—there would be not Tohru to sit there and talk with them over afternoon tea; no Tohru to clean dishes with; no Tohru to suddenly pop up with that bright, caring smile on her face and make everything all right.  Somehow, the thought of going back to his house tonight, along with the other two young male occupants of the house…the idea seemed surreal to him.  Returning to the house…_his _house, really…was just that—returning to a house owned by Sohma Shigure—not returning _home._  

Hearing the young doctor sitting beside him sigh, Shigure knew that his cousin was thinking the same thing.  Even if they had regained their freedom once again—the freedom to be released from the main house and make choices, although still minor ones, for their own lives—meant so little to him—to any of them, he was sure, had they been there—at the moment.  

Movement on the bed before the two men startled them both out of their gloomy thoughts.  The girl on the bed stirred, oblivious to the sorrow that hung heavily for the two men in her room.  Getting up and gently replacing the chair so it wouldn't be in the girl's way when she awoke, Hatori kept his gaze on the girl as he spoke softly.  

"We should go now, Shigure." 

"I know."  

Neither of them made the initiative of getting out of the apartment before the girl awoke.  Blinking, and realizing that they were both still standing in the same spot they had been a few minutes ago, Hatori clapped the unusually depressed Shigure on the shoulder and steered him out of the lilac colored bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him as they both stole a last glance at her, both knowing that this could be the last time they ever saw the girl again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sohma Yuki and Kyou stood outside the former guest bedroom, watching as the last of the sun's rays disappeared from the unlit room.  Servants of the main house had come for them one at a time in their prisons, to drive and "secure" them each back in their own houses.  As soon as they had gotten home, they had rushed upstairs, too anxious to check on the sole female addition to their "family" to exchange sharp words with one another.  Standing side by side now, the always quarreling cat and mouse were silent, both staring intently into the empty bedroom as if somehow, if they looked hard enough, they would see what they wanted to see—to find the room furnished again with the simple furnishing that matched its occupant's personality—simple and sweet.  

Yet, as much time went by and the moon rose, illuminating the dark and empty bedroom with its gentle rays, there was still no sign of anything—lifeless or otherwise—in the room.  To all appearances, neither of the young men seemed to have moved from their earlier position, and did not look as though they intend to anytime soon.

A thick silence hung in the usually lively house—the whole house was still and dark, the only sound which dared disturb the silence was the occasional mechanical fussing of the fridge in the kitchen.  Finally, one of them broke the silence, speaking more to himself than to the other.

"Wha…what's going on?" Sohma Yuki whispered, as if afraid if he said it any louder, he would lose those words as well.

Only silence answered the shocked and somewhat frightened looking young man and his equally stunned and frightened companion as they stood, as if their minds were caught and trapped by what they saw before them, in the dead of the night.

`````````````````````````````````````

`````````````````````````````````````

*sigh* They all wanted to sigh so many times in this chappie~! *brightens up* Waaa~!!! n.n  Yet another rather dark chappie, ne?  Gomen ne…BUT! ^^ Must go wiv da flow of da story, eh~!  I think I should warn ya'll ta expect another "rather dark chappie" before things get happier/brighter.  After all…we wanna see how **all **of them will react to this, ne? XP

Anyhow…I just wanted to add that…this chappie was juss a tad longer than usual… I'm just saying that here cuz I kinda wrote a bit more to it for a  reason… *looks sheepish*  While I can promise you that I will **definitely** finish this ficcy…I'm gunna have to ask you guys to wait a month for my next update…n.n   Gomen ne~!  Demo…with exams and all, I dunt think I can finish what I started of the next chappie in time before I leave (yes, I'm going away for the first part of summer ^^)…and since I wunt be here, there'll be no time for me to write, let alone write a good enough chappie to post…O_o  So a month it is…you wunt abandon me, would you?? XD  And for those of you that left emails…I'll definitely email you guys as soon as I have an update…in a month ^^;;  So if you want me to give you da heads up on updates…feel free to leave behind an email…or just check back in a month's time please~!

**IMPORTANT~!!  **Hmmm…yeah…it's important… =^^=  I was just thinking…I never really thought about how the pairings should work, in spite of the fact that I **did** say canon pairing TOA…which I mean to keep still, but seeing how there are Bachelors #1 **and **2…^^*  So I was thinking…why not take a vote??  I mean, I could **still** not tell you guys the pairing (actually…the other characters need "a friend" too~!!)…but at least you'll have a say in it (sort of…), rite??   Waddaya think??  If you have a particular preference or idea of what pairings you'd like to see in this ficcy…e-mail/review me which pairings you'd like to see…and I'll do da tallying ^^*

Anyways…just a suggestion :D  Well, the usual critics, comments and…stuff…are all welcomed XP  But by now ya'll know the routine, ne??  Again…I apologize for making ya'll wait so long…but it can't really be helped~!  Even if you dunt wanna sign up for the updates "mailing list"…please be sure to check back with me in a month~!! XP 

~Aqua Sunshine ^^*


	4. This is My Home?

**DiScLaImEr – **Anyone wanna buy it for me??  I wouldn't mind, really~!

=^^= Characters' thinking is in **bold**…enjoy~!! =^^=

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~*~ Lest I Forget ~*~ _Chapter 4 – This Is My…Home?_

````````````````````````````````````````````````

````````````````````````````````````````````````

**"Remember Tohru-chan," Honda Kyoko was whispering to a sleeping young Tohru in her dreams, "remember to hold those dear to you close to your heart.  Because if you hold them there…you'll always remember them, no matter what happens.  Always…"**

Eighteen-year-old Honda Tohru opened her eyes to greet the rays of sunlight spilling through her closed blinds.  Stretching, the girl sat up in her blue bed and looked cautiously around her, trying to remember where she was.

Getting up from her bed, she wandered out into the kitchen and living room of her fair-sized apartment, noting that nothing she saw was familiar to her.

**That…that can't be right.**  She thought a little frantically, frozen on the spot she had walked into.  Almost hysterically—and with amazing speed, to boot—the girl looked around her in shock mode, trying to catch of glimpse of something—anything—that would strike a cord in her frizzled memories…and found that she could not remember anything in what appears to be her own home.  

**Wha…why can't I remember this place?**  She thought as she sank on the cold, tiled floor, her knees having buckled out from beneath her as the perplexed girl tried to figure out what was going on.  However, try though she might, Tohru found that she could no more remember this place than she could remember what happened yesterday…or the day before…

Her memory clicked in, finally allowing the girl to recall an event of her life.  The first thing that came to her mind brought tears to the lonely girl's eyes, spilling over immediately and a silent flow.

All the girl could remember was sitting by her mother's deathbed at the hospital, holding the woman's cold, limp hand and crying by her unresponsive side, her heart torn in a million little pieces.

**Okaa-san…**

The phone ran from its hiding place which she did not have memory of, and Tohru got up from her place on the floor to search for it.  Finally finding it on what appeared to be her work desk, she picked it up cautiously, as if she was almost afraid of what she might hear.

"Mushi mushi?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The mere sound of her innocent voice was enough to overwhelm the guilt he had bottled up inside his heart.  His throat suddenly dry, Sohma Hatori swallowed, trying to keep his usually stoic voice and expression blank as he spoke to the girl whom they all owed so much to.

"Hai…Honda Tohru-san," he began, speaking formally to her as if she was a stranger.  He could feel the gazes of Sohma Ayame, Momiji and Hatsuharu burning at the back of his head.  Ignoring them, he continued, wanting to check to make sure the girl was all right.  "This is your doctor calling—I just wanted to check up on you.  Are you feeling better now?"

**Doctor…** the girl on the other side of the line thought slowly, searching carefully in her muddled memories to place this strange voice to a face but found that she could not.  After all, whenever she was sick Kyoko would take care of her little daughter herself, always having the appropriate medicine at home since Tohru was prone to colds and flu.  Closing her eyes momentarily to contain the threatening flow of tears and not wanting her "doctor" to hear her cry—whoever he may be—Tohru spoke into the cordless phone, her voice as gentle and soft as Hatori remembers it to be.

"I'm fine, thank you.  I'm sorry for troubling you to call." she said politely, and then, trying not to sound too anxious or pushy just so she wouldn't worry the good doctor, Tohru continued.  "But…I don't remember much of being ill.  Could you please tell me what happened?  With me, that is…what was I sick with?"

A pause.  Tohru gripped her phone tighter, anxious to have someone tell her what had happened and make sense of all this—strangeness—that surrounded her.  All these things that she does not recognize.  On the other end of the line, Hatori closed his eyes and readied himself for the practiced lie that he had prepared to tell her.

"You took ill after…after…" the stoic man paused, unable to go on knowing he'd touch an open wound.  His throat tightened uncharacteristically as he heard the girl take a deep breath and finished his sentence for him.

"After my mother…passed away?" she whispered softly, unable to speak any louder without losing grip of her control over her threatening tears.

"Yes," Hatori responded mechanically, regaining his composure.  "You took ill after that, and became very feverish.  You were brought to my clinic, and you just recently became better again—enough to go home."

Knowing that his audience might not be able to hold themselves in check for much longer, Hatori went on speaking, trying to reassure the girl and give her as much of a past as he could without telling her the truth—because by telling her the truth, he would be sealing her with another painful fate as the one she had already suffered for their sake.

"However, since you were delirious for such an extended period of time, it is possible that you might not remember much of the events which occurred during your illness.  That is perfectly normal.  Give yourself a day or two to readjust to your surroundings and re-familiarize yourself with them, and you should feel as if you were never sick."

**This is for her sake…** Hatori told himself as he waited for the girl to take in all that he had just told her.  **This is so that she could create a new future for herself—one free of our curse whose burden should have never been placed upon her shoulders.**

A long moment of silence passed.  The information passed to the girl send her mind into a mind boggling swirl as Tohru tried to process all the information she had been given in attempt to fit all the currently loose ends of her life together, trying to form a clear picture.  Finally, she spoke, not wanting to keep the doctor from his work any longer than she had. 

"I…I understand." Tohru began slowly.  "Arigatou gozaimasu, Doctor-san, for taking care of me!  Please…what can I call you by?"

"Hatori." came the short reply.  Then, wanting to use an explanation to avoid her question for his last name, he continued quickly before she had time to intervene.  "I am a close friend of your family, so you can just call me Hatori."

"Ah…" Tohru said, completely believing in the word of this man whom she does not remember.  Hastily, Hatori spoke again before she had time to ask anything else, wanting to end this conversation quickly as the guilt in his heart and the looks on his companions' faces became too overwhelming for him to bear.

"I must be getting back to work, then, if that is all." He said impassively, and hating himself for it behind his expressionless mask.  "Unless there is something else you need?"

"Iie, iie." She was just as quick to reassure him as ever.  "Sumimasen for troubling you, Hatori-san."  

"It's all right.  I will be calling you from time to time, just to check up on you.  Don't hesitate to tell me if there is something you need."  **It's the least—and the best—I can do right now…to make sure you're all right…to make sure you'll be all right, Honda-kun, from the shadows of your new life…**

"Oh…that's very kind of you, Hatori-san!  But I'm sure I'll be fine, please…don't worry about me!" Tohru said with a smile in her voice, ever so quick to reassure others of her well-being before even thinking about it.

"Then…sayonara, Honda-san." 

"Sayonara, Hatori-san."

Click.   

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So is she really…all right?" an uncharacteristically somber Ayame asked, looking out the open sliding doors in Hatori's personal study rather than making eye contact with any of the worried and dejected gazes of the room's remaining occupants.

It was board daylight outside—the morning after their release from Akito's isolation and punishment…and the morning after Tohru's memories had been erased. Those who made their homes at the main house had gathered in Hatori's study when the Sohma family doctor had told them he would be making a phone call to Tohru in her new apartment, to see if erasing her memories had taken any ill effects on her.  Anxious and too upset to go anywhere else, Ayame had also stayed with the always-calming Hatori, lest he spread his gloom to his already upset little brother and the Kyon-kichi.

At the moment, however, even though he appeared to be calm, the Sohmas knew that the stoic doctor must be suffering from as much inner turmoil as they all were.

"She seems to be all right." the expressionless man answered blandly, careful not to let his own sadness and guilt leak into his voice.  

Silence overtook the room and its occupants, each looking lost in his own world.  Sohma Hatsuharu spoke up, his bland voice soft but clearly heard in the quiet room.

"The story you told her…" he began, leaving his sentence to trail as he gazed into Hatori's face, trying to find any hidden emotions or pieces of information he might be hiding from the rest of them.

"I had to tell her something…it's for her good." Hatori said to his cousin, facing the opened sliding doors as well.  His voice was devoid of emotion, his eyes watching the sky calmly but not seeing anything.  "She can't remember us…not after already having her memories erased.  If she remembers us, then it would be a repeat of this whole incident again—I know none of us would want her to be put through that again…not when she has already been through it once already…not when she should have never been put through it in the first place!"  Hearing his own voice raising, Hatori rubbed his hand over his closed eyes tiredly, trying to control his anger.  

However, that was easier said than done…especially when one is trying to control anger—and even hate—that one felt for himself.  He knew it…he knew that he would hate himself the moment Tohru had knelt before him willingly, telling him to erase her memories to buy their freedom.  The worst part was that he knew he deserved this hate and anger he felt for himself—that the others undoubtedly felt for him also. 

"It's not fair." came a sad, soft voice from the corner.  Hatori opened his eyes to look at Momiji, huddled by a wall, his arms wrapped around his knees like a small child as he looked miserably at the floor.  "It's not fair…it's not Tohru's fault.  Not at all."

**No.**  Hatsuharu thought as he stared at his cousin, to see the expression of pain clearly written on his face just as Haru himself felt it inside of him, carefully hidden beneath his indifferent expression.  **It's not…her fault at all…she shouldn't've been involved in this…shouldn't have had to pay a price—any price…not for a curse that was not her own to begin with.**

Closing his eyes and fighting his Black personality's urge to destroy everything he saw in his sights, Haru looked out to the clear blue sky with the two twenty-seven year-olds in the room, turning his gaze away from Momiji to stare at the floor by himself, each lost in his own thoughts of the girl who had given them so much…too much.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tohru found herself sinking onto the cold, stone-tiled floor of her apartment, cradling the silent cordless phone.  Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the wall for support as she tried her best to keep her tears from falling.

**Okaa-san…'kaa-san, gomen ne…I know that this isn't like me at all…  Demo…at least for today…at least for now…let me cry…let me be like this…**

**I feel so lost without you, okaa-san…  Even this place that's supposed to be our home feel so…so strange…so empty…**

**So very lonely…**

Making her way back to her bedroom, Tohru caught a glimpse of her mother's photo, smiling brightly at her from its place on her nightstand.  Taking it in her arms, the girl laid on her bed and cried, allowing her tears to flow freely as she mourned for her dead mother, wishing with her whole heart that somehow…somehow, she wouldn't feel so alone.

**To move on…I have to move on, don't I?**  She asked Kyoko's picture silently, blinking back her tears.  **It's what you would've wanted, 'kaa-san…you've always said you liked it when I'm happy.  You'd want me to be able to continue living…you'd want me to smile again—to be happy again…**

**Demo…**

**Demo ne…to move on without you by my side…Okaa-san…I miss you so much…**

The ticking of the kitchen clock seemed to echo in the quiet apartment, its ticking providing the only source of sound aside from the muffled sobs of the girl lying facedown on her bed, holding her mother's picture.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sohma Shigure watched his two younger subjects silently, with a heavy yet unreadable expression on his face.  The three of them were sitting in the living room, at the very table where they had once shared their meals for the past two years with a girl named Honda Tohru.  At the moment, all was quiet in the medium sized room—the elder of the three sat before the other two, watching them, while the younger Sohmas both stared back at him with shocked expressions on their faces, their minds having trouble registering what they were just told.  Understanding their need to take the time for the news to sink in, Shigure had opted to stay silent, knowing that the outbursts would come soon.  

After a few moments, Sohma Kyou jumped up, flipping the table over in the process.  The mixture of surprise, pain and disbelief was clearly written on his face.

"You…you're lying!  How could she…why the hell didn't you stop her?!  Why didn't someone stop her from going to him?!  She…" overcome with his emotions, Kyou found that he was unable to go on speaking.  All he could do was to continue standing there, staring with disbelief at his cousin who had taken them in for the past two years.  A whirlwind of thoughts were crashing at him all at once, his mind too surprised and too upset to deal or make sense of any of them.  His only thought was a single word with a single question mark: why?

"It wasn't something I could've stopped her from doing, Kyou." Shigure said to the cat, his voice as emotionless as he could make it.  "I was forbidden to leave the main house too, remember?  It was something she did on her own, without telling any of us…I think she knew…she…" swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat at the thought of the girl's face as she was in Hatori's clinic, the novelist continued, his voice sounding a little scratchy as the man tried to keep his face expressionless in front of his two younger cousins, lest they see his enraged and saddened turmoil of emotions and further upset them.  "She knew what Akito wanted…by taking us all in to him…she knew what it meant if she went to him…for her to…just offer to him whatever price he would ask for in order to buy us freedom…she…" Closing his eyes with a sigh, he tried to keep talking without losing his composure.  

"She knew…she was willing to sacrifice everything she's ever treasured…in order for us to live again.  She was willing to give us everything…"

"And we just let it happen."  The softly spoken yet cold words came from the remaining occupant of the room, who had been quiet the entire time.  Not making eye contact with either of his cousins, Sohma Yuki stood up and walked out of the room, his footsteps tracing him heading up the stairs, followed by the sound of a slammed sliding door.

Shigure's gaze trailed the disappearing form of his pale cousin until he could no longer see him, his gaze filling with the pain he knew Yuki must be also feeling.  Hearing a uncharacteristically soft voice speak, he turned back to the impulsive youth still standing paces away from him.

"She…she's so stupid."  The orange-haired boy said softly, half-heartedly, looking out the sliding doors with a pained and lost expression.  "Why did she do that…didn't she even think of what might happen after?  To us?  To herself?"

"I think all she thought of was that she had a chance to help us…and she took it." Shigure said tiredly, not bothering to hide his own sad expression anymore.  Hearing the half-sigh, half-grunt from the cat, Shigure lifted his gaze from the knocked-down table to see him walking away as well.  Knowing that they all needed their own space right now, the dog only watched silently as Kyou made his way up the stairs and onto the roof.

Alone, Shigure looked out the sliding doors to the sky overhead, watching the evening sun beginning to sink lower and lower in the sky.  Thinking about what the orange cat had said, Shigure sighed, staring moodily at the darkening blue sky.  

**Tohru-kun…if you had thought about what might happen afterwards—if you had thought about the people you'd leave behind…or even about yourself, after your memories gets taken from you—would you still have done the same and given them up??**

**…would you have still given them up so freely…so willingly, and without a fight?**

````````````````````````````````````````````````

````````````````````````````````````````````````

Wow…I did another chappie~! =^^=  Hey minna-san~!  Toldcha I'd update in a month's time, or as soon as I could, didn't I??  Well, here you have it XD

*yawns* I have to hit the sack now…it's so late…I think that after this chappie (cuz I did say it'd be another dark chapter, ne? ^^*) things will get a lil lighter…but still, with such a dark atmosphere set in the background, it might take two chappies before this ficcy gets 'happy' at all…so just wait for it~!!  Remember to tell me what you think of this chappie thou, please??  I'm still taking the votes on pairings~!  As it stands at the moment…it's actually *sighs* a TIE…which really doesn't help in deciding things at all~!  So if you have a preference, tell me either thru reviews or emails~!! n.n  

Any forms of criticisms, comments or suggestions are all very very much welcomed~!!  Hope you guys are having a great summer~!! 

~Aqua Sunshine ^^*


	5. Shall I Start Anew?

**DiScLaImEr – **Anyone wanna buy it for me?? I wouldn't mind, really!

**aUtHoR's X-tRa NoTe – **Before you start reading this…minna-san…gomen nasai!! I took sooo long to update this ficcy!! Hontoo ni gomen nasai ne… Pls dunt kill me…I was busy…honestly! But…::grins:: now I've finally got around to updating, I really hope you'll enjoy this chappie!! So saving the rest of my blabbering for the bottom…enjoy this chappie, and tell me what you think! 

**OtHeR aUtHoR's NoTe – **yes yes…I'll stop blabbering eventually " Kekeke…but just wanna make a note that the words in (…) are asides…think manga style, I guess? Haha…hope you'll like this chappie!

* * *

**Lest I Forget**

Chapter 5 – Shall I Start Anew?

* * *

The sound of three beeping alarm clocks penetrated the silence in the house. With a groan, Sohma Yuki reached one slender arm out to slap his off and stayed in his bed, listening for hints of movement in the house. Only the sound of chirping morning birds greeted his ears in the still, cold morning. Hearing no sign of movement from the other two, he closed his eyes again, trying to get some of the rest that he had failed to catch all night. However, he was in no mood to sleep.

_Honda-san…_

The effects of the news from the night before had not yet worn off on the mouse. The worn and pained looks on his two other "housemates"' faces were still fresh in his memory.

And so was the squeezing pain in his heart.

With a sigh, Yuki sat up in bed and swung himself off gently, rubbing his temples lightly and feeling the effects of his sleepless night. His feet were soundless as he walked towards the window. The pre-dawn morning skies were clear. Outside, the trees were already bare, their leaves in yellow heaps on the ground. The air was crisp and chilly, signaling the arrival of winter. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and leaned against the window frame, feeling the painful grip of his heart.

He missed her so much.

_Honda-san…why…why do you always do this to yourself? Can't you tell…can't you tell that we can't be without you? That we need you—that we treasure you—that we care for you—more than we all do ourselves? Our freedom…mean nothing…without you here. Can't you tell?_

_Can't you tell…that I can't be without you?_

_Can't you tell…how much I care for you?_

With another sigh he pried his heavy eyelids open, gazing listlessly out at the beautiful purple-pink skies of dawn. Golden rays of sunlight outlined rooftops as far as the eye could see, coloring the skies to a brighter orange with hints of light red. Already the day promised to be a perfect one, without a single cloud to marr its pure beauty. All this went unnoticed by the youth, who could only think longingly of a certain chestnut-haired, smiling girl's face. Not even the magnificence before him could move him from his reserve. Through his eyes, the world appeared so bleak and cold…nothing seemed to be able to offer him warmth—the warmth that she had always given him.

Nothing seemed to be able to shake him from the loneliness in his heart.

* * *

Nothing seemed right.

The girl with the mane of honey-brown hair stared blankly at her ceiling as the alarm clock beside her beeped impatiently, as it has been for the last ten minutes. It wasn't that it wasn't loud enough to serve its purpose of waking its master—it just wasn't loud enough to break into the emptiness of her heart.

The loneliness of her heart.

_Naze…?_

_Why…do I feel like…something is amiss…?_

_Why do I feel as if pieces of my life are missing?_

_As if pieces of myself are missing…?_

Seemingly living in a trance, Honda Tohru reached out a slender arm to shut off her alarm clock and swung her legs over her bed. Getting up to walk towards the window, she almost tripped over the chair that she somehow does not remember.

_Demo…I haven't moved anything since I got back…so why am I…so lost?_

_Why do I feel like…I don't belong here?_

Grasping the window frame to support herself, the girl took her most treasured object in the world in her hands and hugged it tight against herself, feeling as though that was the last familiar thing for her on earth.

_Why do I feel like…we don't belong here, Okaa-san? Onegai…tell me…_

In the distance, birds chirped their greetings to the morning sun, already risen to glorify the skies of Tokyo. The perfectly trimmed trees swayed with the gentle morning breeze as rays of orange brilliance spilled into her unlit bedroom, illuminating her tear-stained face.

_Gomen ne, 'Kaa-san…I promised you last night that I wouldn't cry anymore…demo…_

_Demo ne…sometimes it's just so hard…to keep the tears in…to keep smiling…when all I feel in my heart is loneliness and emptiness._

_Who…who is there to understand me, now that you're gone?_

_Who's there for me to share my life with, now that you…you're…gone?_

Closing her eyes, Tohru rested her forehead against the cool of the window frame, cradling her mother's picture.

_Who…_

* * *

"Doomo arigatou gozaimasu, minna-san, for taking care of me today!" a smiling Tohru said cheerfully as she bowed farewell to her newly-made friends. Eighteen and in her last year of high school, the girl had been bewildered to find that she had somehow been transferred to a new school for her last high school year, and had been completely lost.

**:: Flashback ::**

_Oh no, I'm going to be late again!!_ Tohru thought to herself as she seemed to fly around yet another corner in her new school with neck breaking speed, her hair flying in her wake. Two students that had been chatting in that corner paused in their laughter as gush of wind suddenly whipped their faces, blowing up their skirts. Blinking stupidly, they turned to stare at each other in confusion.

"Hey what was that just now…??"

"I have no clue…looks like a brown meteorite…"

Turning their head down the halls again, they saw it was empty save for a lot of flying dust. ::sweatdrops::

_Oh this is bad, this is bad…this is really bad!! A frantic Tohru thought as she turned yet another corner. I'm already losing count of corners I've been turning…plus I don't even know where I am anymore! Oh wait…what class was it that I was trying to get to again…?? Ano…ahhhhhhhh…everything is spinning…_

**_BANG!_**

"Owowowowww…heh…why are there stars…??"

"Dai…daijoobu des ka?" a female voice asked, concerned. Opening her eyes, Tohru looked up to find herself staring into midnight blue eyes, offset by a full red mouth and curly jet-black hair…along with a few stars and flying pigs. Shaking her head violently in an attempt to clear her head and waving her arms almost violently trying to gesture that she was all right, she blushed and laughed slightly, feeling embarrassed.

"Gomen nasai!! Gomen…daijoobu desu! Daijoobu!" Taking the girl's hand, Tohru began to stand, still swaying on her feet while rubbing her head, when she began to hear muffled laughter coming from the girl supporting her. Turning her head to look, she found that the girl's face was almost as red as hers in attempt to restrain herself. Seeing Tohru staring, the girl blushed and laughed gently.

"Heh…gomen ne, I wasn't laughing at you _desu_. It's just that…how did you manage to run headfirst into the fire extinguisher?"

Turning to see the object in question, Tohru had to smile, somehow feeling oddly familiar with the scene. Shaking her head, she joined the girl, laughing slightly.

"Ano ne…I was in a hurry to get to my…oh no!" Honey-brown hair began to stand straight out in spikes. "Bag…books…class…where…??"

Laughter again interrupted Tohru's rampaging thoughts, its musical sound smoothing to hear. The girl that had helped Tohru to her feet now bend beside her, gathering Tohru's belongings as a few others around her also bend over to help.

"It's all right, so just…calm down a little, _desu_!" The girl smiled as she handed back a notebook. "I can show you to your next class…are you new here?"

Smiling her thanks as a few others helped her pack, Tohru nodded at her new friend. Before she can say anything else, however, the girl seemed to explode with energy and jumped up, startling Tohru (who had gone into shock mode once again).

"All right _desu_!! I'm gunna take care of this girl and show her around _desu_! Is everyone with me?!"

A chorus of rising fists and "YEAH!" filled the corridor as Tohru shrunk underneath the fire extinguisher, sweatdropping as she watched the scene of excited girls before her. Laughing with them as they turned to look at her…

"Ano… arigatou gozaimasu…demo…class…??"

**:: End Flashback ::**

"Iie, iie," Takaito Reika said animatedly, waving her arms and grinning at her new friend's politeness. "It was fun hanging around with you, Tohru-chan (oh can I call you Tohru-chan? It's got such a nice sound to it _desu_!) Besides, we couldn't just leave you running in to fire extinguishers all day _desu_, now can we?"

"Hai hai, it was nothing, Tohru-san" Kasuma Meredi said gently. "We'll see you in class tomorrow, okiee?"

Waving good-bye to her friends until they were out of sight, Tohru let her arm drop and turned to walk back to her apartment, her smile subsiding with every step she took. Closing the door behind her, Tohru san against the wall and closed her eyes to shut out the empty apartment that was supposed to be her home.

_Okaa-san…Okaa-san…today was a good day. I met new friends, and they were so kind to me. It almost feels as if…_

_As if I'm not so alone anymore. Demo…_

_What is it…what is it that's missing? Why do I still feel as if something is amiss…_

_Something… important to me?_

_Or is it…_

_Someone important to me?_

* * *

::wide grin:: It. is. finished!!! Hahaha…well, at least this chapter is #.# It's a lil shorter…but at least it's done, eh?? Kekeke…again, gomen ne, minna-san, for the lack-of updates. But I'm sure ya'll dunt wanna hear my reasons, even though they're _good_ reasons!! ::smiles:: That aside…and hoping that some of you actually remember this ficcy and came to read it (=.=")…how did you like it? Or mebbe I should ask…how much more rust should I polish off before attempting to write again?? ::sweatdrops:: 

Well, either way…make sure you tell me what you think, oie?? Feedback is always welcomed, especially after such a long break… XD Oh yeah…character intro…haha, for once in this ficcy, I actually own a character!! The Sohmas are supposed to stay away from Tohru, remember?? But I couldn't leave her all lonely…kekeke…**Takaito**** Reika **is completely made-up (aka. She does not exist…and does not require a disclaimer, for once!!)…and if she bears any resemblance to an existing character… shrugs I guess you can think of her as…that lil black puffy thing (does anyone know that puffy's name?? haha…if u do, pls tell me!) from **RESERVoir**** CHRoNiCLE**, human style! Hahah…I'm going to try to make her more animated to lighten the mood up a little. And **Kasuma Meredi** is also entirely made up…bearing a resemblance to…hehehe…I'll let you decide la. (I dunt even know myself! ") Hopefully, none of you will grow to hate either of her… "

Anyhow…I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible…no more waiting half a year for an update! Hahaha…a lil extreme eh…? Gomen gomen…! If any new readers would like an update notice, leave your email to me after you read this! Ff.net made getting emails a pain in da butt…so pls actually _type _your email out to me, and I'll be sure to give you a shout whenever I update, okiez?? Also, the polls about who Tohru ends up with is still in effect…so if you have a choice, feel free to tell me!

As usual, all criticisms, comments or suggestions are all very very much welcomed, especially after such a long break from writing!! Please tell me what you think!

Aqua Sunshine n.n


	6. Yet I Remember You

**DiScLaImEr – **Anyone wanna buy it for me?? I wouldn't mind, really!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

**Lest I Forget **

****

Chapter 6 – Yet I Remember You…   
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_A day, a week, a month, a year…who's to tell how much time has passed since…since you left…?_

_And yet here I sit, a pathetic fool would can answer that question to the minute._

_Five day, six hours and forty-five minutes._

_It has been five day, six hours and forty-five minutes since Shigure told us we'll never see you again, Honda-san…did you know?_

_I wish I could tell you…because I know you don't._

Looking outside the window of his classroom, Sohma Yuki sighed not for the first time that day, rubbing his suddenly stinging eyes tiredly.

_Whoever said that time can heal any wound and wash away any pain lied. Otherwise…otherwise…_

_Otherwise this dull, aching feeling in my heart would go away. Otherwise I wouldn't find myself turning every so often to look at your empty seat, as if I believe that if I look hard enough and long enough…you would return to us._

_That you would return to me._

Nearly an entire week with little to no sleep was taking its toll on the mouse, evident from the dark circles under his eyes to his apparent weight loss. The Prince Yuki fan club girls were the first to notice their charming Prince's depressing wariness, and both feminine and masculine whispers seemed to haunt the school grounds day and night, gossiping of how _different _their Prince was behaving lately. It was as if he had somehow withdrawn completely into himself, never smiling or speaking unless spoken to first, save towards a select few people. Even then his words and tone of voice were distant and short. It was as if…as if…

"Yo, Ouji. O-u-j-i. Damnit, Ouji-sama! It's like your brain's off swimming in Jamaica while you sit in class, staring out the window!"

Blinking, Yuki almost jumped when he realized someone had been talking to him. No…correction…someone was currently _yelling _at him. A mass of golden hair and a slightly angry face met his line of vision, and, as if a man waking from a dream, he looked back at her inquiringly.

"Hai, Uotani-san? Sorry, I didn't hear what you were saying."

"I feel strange electric waves from him, Arisa." Came a monotoned voice from beside the beraged Uotani Arisa. "Unusually strange waves they are indeed. Could it be that he is trying to hide something from us that we might want to know of?"

Watching from across the room with an uninterested expression, Sohma Kyou felt a twig of sympathy for his cousin and long-time rival. Getting up to go to the roof, he suddenly froze as Hanajima Saki suddenly turned smack in his direction and pointed at him with her hair—pardon me…with her "wave detectors".

"His relative's signals have been uncommonly odd during the last few days as well. Now then. What is it that you would like to tell us, Prince?"

Suddenly the mouse's eyes were two tiny dots on his pale face as he looked at the two girls currently trapping him in his own desk, a big fat sweatdrop running down the side of his cheek.

_What to…tell you…? _

Meanwhile, three girls hung as close as they dared in the background, glaring—at a safe distance—in quite a helpless fury at the two girls who dared to so casually converse with their sacred Prince. Mumbling amongst themselves, the classroom suddenly fell deathly silent when Saki turned her unblinking eyes towards their general direction. As they—and the rest of the class—shrunk back in fear and made for the door, Yuki was becoming dimly aware that only four people remained in the now-silent room. At a complete loss of words, he turned numbly to the only other male occupant in the room, his dotted eyes blank.

_Oi, turning to me isn't gunna get us out of this mess! _The orange cat thought wildly to himself as the two girls also turned towards him, one staring with her piercing yet emotionless expression, the other plain annoyed.

"So what is it, Orange Head? For the first time since we've met you, you two are acting exactly alike. Something's up, and we wanna know what. So spit it the hell out already."

Little cat ears appeared on both sides of the Kyon-kichi's head, his orange hair sticking out on points as his annoyance hit a new peak of the day. Secretly, the boy was dimly aware that he was welcoming the commotion, thankful that it distracted his gloomy thoughts, however short the distraction might last.

"Shuddup Yankee. Nothing's up." Kyou said, irritated, while trying to hide his half-heartedness to avoid more questions. It was amazing the way Saki can see through people sometimes, and the cat, vulnerable as he was, wanted no part of an interrogation that can result in nothing.

_Nothing will bring you back to us. Nothing. _

_Nothing is worthwhile anymore._

"Kyou is right. Nothing's up. I've just been tired lately, that's all. And that Baka Neko's just being as unsociable as always. That's all." The mouse said finally, faking a smile that can only be described as forced and chilling—entirely different to the natural little smiles and genuine happiness everyone around him had gotten used to seeing in the past few years—the years after a certain honey-haired girl entered into their lives. At the thought of her, Yuki felt his heart give a tight, agonizing squeeze. Standing up hastily, he made for the door, not looking back. The frown and pain on his face would've given him away in the façade they had all been made a part of—a façade the Sohma family head had cheerfully and cruelly announced to his clan with a satisfied smirk on his face.

**:: Flashback ::**  
  
"I've made arrangements for your sacrificial maiden to begin an entirely perfect little new life, where she can live happily ever after in whichever way she pleases." Sohma Akito said, not bothering to hide his satisfaction with the whole business. A cruel smirk formed on his lips as he looked at the grim and depressed faces of all the involved members of his clan—eleven of the twelve people in this world that were supposed to be closest to himself. "I've thought of everything, so that life can go on as smoothly as it had for all of us before that little twig had intruded in on our lives. Of course, I've thoughtfully also considered all the people concerned in her meddling affairs."

He paused for effect here, knowing full well that every single person in that room wanted to run out, shut his voice out, or beat the light out of him to avoid hearing him talk of their precious Honda Tohru in the fashion he was speaking of her with. However, all of them, right down to the young Sohma Kisa, were too physically exhausted and emotionally shocked and drained to be able to rebel against anyone, let alone be of harm or threat to him.

"They've all forgotten about her, just as she has forgotten about _you. _Every single one of you. Perhaps it's just as well, you know…because _I've_ always heard that only those who _wish _to forget completely forgets. The very fact that she doesn't remember us today is proof that she'd secretly always wanted out of having anything to do with this family—_our _family, which she did not and will never belong in. Wouldn't you agree, my dearest relatives?"

**:: End Flashback ::**

"Try not to look too much into it, Uotani-san, Hanajima-san. There's nothing to look for."

The door closed behind him, slowly, deliberately. Making a sound between a grunt and a resigning sign, Kyou also made for the door to the far left of the one the Prince had exited out of, meaning to go in a different direction than he. Without a glance or another sound, the door slid into place behind him in the same fashion, leaving two girls startled and worried.

"I wonder…what's wrong with them." Uo-chan said, propping up to sit on a vacant desk. "Whatever it is…it must've been big. The two of them seem as if…as if…"

"As if they lost a piece of themselves—a very important piece of themselves—and don't know where to go on from here." A somber Hana-chan finished, too deep in thought to try to look for any other distinctive electric signals.

Strangely, as class began and the girls sat down again, they couldn't help but feel that they too, somehow understood partly what the two cousins were feeling—the feeling of loss that had left an empty hole in their hearts, covered up by a mist that they could not see through, no matter how hard they might try.

* * *

"Ahh…bills bills bills…and oh lookie lookie! More bills! Lovely way to spend an afternoon, pouring over these wonderful white pieces of paper that intend to drain my bank account dry eh, Ha-san?" an overly cheerful Sohma Shigure was saying to his childhood friend and cousin as they sat in his study, the former waving a wade of bills and looking quite bite-sized, the latter sipping a cup of tea, having just come in for a visit. The two men had not seen each other for almost a week, since they had been on a drive to downtown Tokyo to drop…to drop…

_To drop the sunshine out of our lives. _Shigure thought sadly, that overly _que sera sera _attitude hanging on for dear life on his face.

Presently, his guest was gazing at the scenery outside, lost in thought. The weather had grown much colder of late, and the trees were all bare—bare of leaves to the naked eye, but to Sohma Hatori, they seemed also bare of life…of laughter…of warmth…

Something that only _she _seemed to be able to bring into their lives.

And he had took her away from them.

Still staring listlessly out the slide doors, he heard himself remark in a tone sounding quite lifeless.

"You don't have to be like that you know, Shigure. We're all feeling it." Turning back to look at his cousin—who had frozen still in supa deformed mode (n.n") on the spot at his words, letters still in the air—straight in the eye, Hatori watched as the dog seemed to transform before him at his next sentence. "You don't have to pretend everything is all right."

He had intended to stop speaking there, having said quite enough. However, a whisper reached his ears, spoken with his own voice…almost as if he was trying to tell himself that as well as convince Shigure into casting his cheerful masquerade aside.

"You don't have to pretend anymore."

A dry, cracked laugh met his ears as the arm frozen in the air dropped, the letters scattered on the floor, unnoticed. Shigure buried his tired face in his face to hide it in place of his cheerful mask. The muffled and heart-wrenching laughter continued as a tear-streaked face peeked out from underneath shaking hands at the doctor, its owner looking as small and as helpless as a six-year-old.

"Not pretend anymore?" the dog asked, his voice cracking. The laughing had subsided, giving way to his weary voice. "Not pretend…and then what? Go on living like everything's all right? That nothing is _missing _from our lives? Oh God, Hatori…I feel like a murderer—a murderer living in a house where he murdered. You should see the two of them. The empty looks on their faces, the silence they treat everything with, the way they lock themselves away, they way they look at you and not see you at all…it's inhuman to live like this and you well know it!" The tears which had ceased began to flow again, unnoticed by the speaker. "And you know what else? I can't do anything about it. I didn't do anything back then, and there's nothing—absolutely nothing—I can do now for them. The way they are now, two walking corpses—God, it just…it just…"

"Makes you wish you can die and not look at them." The dragon finished quietly for his emotional cousin, his face as pained as his cousin-reflection's.

Silence hung in the air. Neither men cared to break it, but neither looked away. They sat there staring at one another in the darkening room, sitting in silent understanding. At last, Shigure spoke up, shaking his head.

"We can't keep it from them forever. They're bound to run into her one of these days…especially the two who had taken to become wanderers lately."

"I'd rather wish they would." Was all the reply he got.

"Me too. But do you think…"

"I think…" Hatori began, looking slightly better than he had in days as he watched the last rays of the sun disappear over the horizon. "I think she didn't want to forget about us."

"You're just stating the obvious now, Ha-san." His cousin replied, smiling slightly—a genuine smile that took years off the young novelist's face.

So simple a conversation it was, not coming to any conclusion whatsoever. However, as Hatori got up to order take-outs with Shigure, both men felt the serene peace and comfort brought on by their shared new hope in the other's heart.

It was their turn to reach out to her.

The way she had reached to them.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
::claps:: Hahaha…I know it's been awhile…but the rate I've been writing lately…I dunt think u guys will wait for updates wiv a very long time in between. ::grins::

But… ::ahem:: all right guys…lots of explaining and begging to do here…I've got at least five, six inches of non-writing dust to brush off…and so, somewhat rusty chapter, I know Gomen ne…hontoo ni gomen nasai!! I got so used to playing catch-up with my other ficcie that I just somehow…forgot how to write this one! Honest!! Aiyou…demo ne, it'll get better…at least I'm updating now, ne?? Ne?? n.n

All in all, I hope it wasn't too confusing…or too depressing. I never meant for this ficcy to be TOO too dark, although some is an order since the storyline I planned for it is kinda angsty, u know?? Anyhoo…there's always gunna be room for improvement, ne? So flamers…easy easy XD

Also, before I get murdered…I know Hatori can't really do the whole "mass production memory block thingy"…but I had no way to go around it…so, pweetie pleaseeeeee, for the sake of this ficcie (and to prevent white hairs from shooting out from my still dark-brownish/black hair XP)…just pretend for me that he can do that, so everything can smoothly go according to plan. Waddaya say, eh?? =D

Ahh yes…I meant to explain the "chapter title" too… Yes yes…it's coming from the one that Tohru is paired off wiv for this ficcie…can u guess who it sounds more like? Kekeke…I've gotten a pretty good idea of who to pair with who by now, methinks :D I think I'll cut off the polls when chapter 7 comes out….in other words, the last chance to have a say in pairings is this chapter's reviews! Pls remember to tell me what u think and who u'd like to see wiv who, alritez? =P

As usual, all criticisms, comments or suggestions and chocolate chips (mmm) are all very very much welcomed !! Please tell me what you think!

Aqua Sunshine n.n


	7. Indefinable Feeling?

**DiScLaImEr – **Anyone wanna buy it for me?? I wouldn't mind, really!

**AuThOr's CoNfEsSiOn – **Oh fine…more like a clear-up, actually :D ::ahem:: **Daine-Wildmage** brought up a good point from my last chappie that I just thought I'd clear it up for anyone else confused (guys…if u actually read my ramblings in da last fic and understood this, u've read this already, skip on!)…Hatori _can't_, in "reality", clear away the _entire_ school's memories…but for the purposes of this fic, let's just say he can, and did. ::bows repeatedly:: Gomen ne…I couldn't think (or didn't…haha) of any other way to skip over that part and make the fic flow…but ANYWAYS! Without further ado…enjoy!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

**Lest I Forget  
**Chapter 7 – Indefinable Feeling? 

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The sun was rising over the urban jungle of downtown Tokyo, its glorious rays chasing away the shadows behind the tall buildings, its glare reflecting off their shiny surfaces. The serene settings nature thoughtfully painted did not quite match the storm raging within a certain eighteen-year-old girl's heart.

_It's not that I'm sad, Okaa-san. I mean…in a way, I am. I miss you so much…I'll always be missing you. _

_Every morning I wake up to such a beautiful new day, so full of hopes and dreams…and yet it all seems to be pale and cold to me…_

_Because I'm forever stuck in this circle of feeling…_

_Lost._

_But…_

Picking up her beloved mother's photograph, Tohru knelt by her windowsill and rested her chin on her arms.

_I've made you a promise, haven't I? I promised you that I'd move on…that I'd try to live happily, the way I know you would want me to… I'll always carry you around with me, no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me. So in a way, you'll always be here with me…_

_In a way, we'll always be together…_

Cradling her mother's photo tenderly as she has done many times since her return to consciousness, Tohru smiled at her beloved mother, a little regretfully.

_I've made some wonderful new friends here, Okaa-san. So please, don't worry about your little Tohru—I won't be alone. I know they're willing to be here for me. Demo ne…sometimes…sometimes…_

_Sometimes, I wish someone would just come along and tell me what the answers are. What the answers to my unaskable questions are._

_Answers that I know, somehow, nobody I know of can tell me._

_Answers to this…"something missing"…in my life._

* * *

"Arigatou gozaimasu!" A smiling Honda Tohru said politely to the aged lady at her cashier registrar, "and that comes to three thousand yen in total today."

As she waited patiently for the said lady slowly to count out the change she held in her hands, Tohru carefully packaged everything so that the grandmother could carry her groceries home safely, without having to worry about chasing after apples and oranges. Handing the groceries over personally, Tohru waves as her customer exited out of the grocery store—her current part-time job.

Takaito Reika walked up from behind Tohru, shaking her finger with a good-natured grin on her face. Watching her friend work almost non-stop since her shift came on wasn't something Reika liked to do, particularly since she was the one who had introduced her to work here.

_Tohru-chan…you haven't even gone out to take a break when your turn came, desu! You don't have to do everything yourself…let me in on your life. _

_Tell me what that faraway look in your eyes means…tell me what I can do… _

_Allow me to help you._

_You're not alone anymore…can't you see that, desu? _

Looking up from her cash registrar, Tohru smiled cheerfully at her new friend. "Reika-chan!" (keke…that's right, _desu_, even Tohru-chan couldn't resist my humble requests of her calling me that, _desu_! It wouldn't do for us to sound like complete strangers when we call to each other now, would it _desu_? Reika with her skittish grin plus victory sign in background)

"Tohru-chan, Tohru-chan…ever since you came to work here, almost all the grannies have been practically _fighting_ to line up in _your _isle ne, _desu._" Watching as with a great big sweatdrop as Tohru's eyes widened and her hair began to stick out as signs of her "alarmed" mode, Reika immediately waved her hands in the air almost practically in front of the honey-brown-haired girl's face in attempt to stop the joke before she took it all too seriously.

"Mou, mou Tohru-chan, it was a joke—a joke! I was just kidding with you!"

Seeing how frantic her new friend looked, she began to laugh, clutching her belly in attempt to constrain herself from erupting into uncontrolled laughter. Grinning at her friend, Reika suddenly took a deep breath and looked Tohru straight in the eye, making sure that her friend was listening to her.

"Tohru-chan..." Reika said in what she considered to be her serious tone…but in reality lacking that seriousness that would've otherwise been effective, if not for the seemingly-permanent roguish look in her deep blue eyes. "If there ever is anything—_anything_ at all—that you need help in…that you want to talk about…please, tell me. Onegai _desu_…tell me about you."

Anyone else would've reached out and tousled those rings of jet-black hair that curled around the girlish face and sincere eyes brimming with honesty of the words the mouth had just spoken. However, Tohru knew this was her friend at her most serious moments. Touched by the girl's genuine concern for her, Tohru smiled—a small, gentle, mother-like smile that brought comfort to all whom it was bestowed upon.

"I know you're here for me, Reika-chan." She said smilingly, taking her newfound friend's hands in her own. "I might have just met you, and I might not know you as well as some others might…but I know you're here for me, and I honestly, honestly thank you for it. I would've been so lonely here if it weren't for you…so you see, you've already helped me, without even seeming to realize it."

Shaking her head, Reika replied just as softly.

"That's not what I meant, Tohru-chan."

Having never seen her giddy friend so solemn before, Tohru was baffled beyond words. Looking at little blankly at her friend out of eyes of dots, Tohru blinked.

"Then…what do you mean…?" a little stupidly.

"I meant if you ever need to talk about something…if there's something on your mind that you just can't figure out…onegai, tell me. I'm not being nosy, nor am I forcing you to tell me all about you and your personal life. It's just that…I see you standing here sometimes, just staring into space with a sad, sad look on your face, and I want to be able to…be…to be a part of your life that can help you get rid of that."

With a sound that was like a half sigh and half laugh, Reika pulled back and gripped her own elbows. Fixing her gaze to meet that of Tohru's puzzled one, she grinned, her smile seeming to bloom as a shy rose on her face.

"Everyone loves to see you smile, Tohru-chan. Demo ne…if you're forever only smiling for others, you'll end up drowning yourself with your tears on the inside. Call me selfish…but I wanna be able to see you standing there, zoning out with a smile on your face rather than a frown. Dewa…onegai…tell me about yourself…tell me what you're thinking about. After all, two heads are better than one, ne?"

_As much as I want to tell you…_

Tohru stood still as a statue for a moment, just staring into earnest deep blue eyes that reflected her image. Smiling through eyes that revealed a glimpse of lonely fear, she nodded, just once.

_You simply won't understand, Reika-chan._

"This doesn't seem like me at all, does it?" she said quietly, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Reika smiled in return, knowing that she had gotten her message across.

_And that's because…_

"Iie, Tohru-chan…it doesn't _desu." _She replied, a small smile still touching the corners of her mouth. "Demo ne…"

_That's because…I don't understand it myself either…_

"This doesn't seem like me, either, ne? So we're even, _desu_! I just wanted you to know…well, you know…what I said."

_This feeling of lost that never was…_

"Hai! Wakari mashita, Reika-sensei!" Tohru grinned, looking more like herself again as she saluted her friend playfully.

* * *

_Everything has gotten so much more peaceful._ The young man thought as he sat, sprawled out before the neatly trimmed greenness of his private yard in the Sohma main house. _Ever since that twit of a girl left, life has gone back to the way it should be…she should've never come at all._

_She was asking for trouble from the moment she intruded into our lives. _

Memories of honey-brown curls falling over her pale, innocent face as the girl fell unconscious slipped into the young man's memories; an ugly sneer twisted the frail-looking man's handsome face into an ugly mask.

_Well, she got what she deserved._

Ever since he had announced the…departure…of the supposed nuisance of their lives, the family head had found the entire clan—especially the most rebellious twelve—more acquiescent to his rules and methods. He'd often like to think of it as a sign that they were willing to finally admit and submit under his powers and rule, as they rightfully should in the first place, as fated by birth under the Sohma name. Or he would think that his punishment had finally taken its toll on them and they had given up—that through "punishing" them, he had finally broken their spirits of going against him. Or that…

_Or it's because now they see the hopelessness of the situation: the feeling of being left behind and forever forgotten by one whom they treasured so much in their hearts, and their spirits are broken because she is no longer here to heal them_.

The sneer left his face as his features once again became twisted with anger and hate. Sohma Akito sat up suddenly, resisting the urge to fall straight back down as a wave of dizziness hit him in full force. Digging his nails into his palm to divert his own attention, he fought to master his physical weakness. However, unable as he was to move around physically, his mind was a whirlwind of emotions as his thoughts raged on, as they did whenever he thought about the girl and her ties to his family.

That last thought—always that last thought, that little voice at the back of his head—spoiling everything for him! How can one little girl possibly have so much influence over those who are supposed to be closest to him?! They were supposed to belong to him!

_We don't need anyone—anyone—to pity us, and we don't need their help! How can anyone possibly help us? How can anyone else possibly understand what we're going through?_

_Pathetic, weak fools!_

Angry at them as he was at himself for letting that little voice of his intrude on his thoughts, Akito calmed down somewhat when the clock chimed gently in the background: six o'clock.

_Time for dinner with my dearest cousin Yuki and Hatori._

The family head walked towards his sliding door with a smirk at his last thoughts.

_With no one else to intrude in on us…_

_Ever again._

* * *

"So Yuki has gone off for dinner at the main house again, ne?? Lucky, lucky Yuki-kun!" Shigure said playfully as he carried his and Kyou's bentos into the kitchen, where the cat was trying not to look interested in what the dog was saying.

Sitting down silently and opening his bento just as silently, Kyou faced his dinner companion with such a stony chilliness that it was a miracle the other man could still chat away—to himself, no less—in such a lighthearted and cheerful manner.

"Shigure." He finally said, his voice not betraying any emotion he might be feeling.

As if on cue, the novelist stopped talking as soon as he heard his companion utter his name. Fixing his full attention on the younger man, the clock could be heard ticking in the background as crows flew by and neither humans moved nor spoke. Thinking that the cat was done talking and he should really start eating again before his food got any colder, Shigure was stopped as the orange-haired young man once again spoke, his words short.

"Yuki has…been going to the main house a lot lately, ne?"

"It can't be helped." The dog answered, looking as somber as the cat. For once, the novelist didn't ever try to hide the facts, or lighten up the situation by laughing it off. "Yuki just…doesn't have the will to fight against Akito's words anymore. The more he goes over there…the more…"

"I know."

"And if he doesn't go…"

"I know."

"And so, while we sit here…"  
  
"I know, damnit, will you stop talking already?!"

Slamming his hands on the table, Kyou snatched up his chopsticks and began to eat as a stunned Shigure watched him. Never before had the older man seen his cousin so worked up with worry for his sworn rival. Taking out his frustration on the act of eating, Kyou polished off his meal, slammed his chopsticks back on the table, and made for the rooftop.

Watching him leave, Shigure sat for moments longer, just staring at his own still-untouched bento. Outside, the sky was getting darker and the air considerable colder.

_Just like…how we each feel within our hearts, I guess._

_The only difference is…will there be a dawn for us…_

_Ever again?_

_What if it's already too late...?_

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dictionary portion:

**onegai **= please  
**wakari mashita** = I understand

::waving frantically:: Ahoy out there…?? I don't remember when I updated last…kinda lost track of my lil updating system here…demo ne, I've decided (I think! Kekeke…dunt kill me if some one-shot decides it wants to be written first!!) to put this ficcie first and finish it up before I write on my other fic or any other ones…sound good? This way, then at least you guys KNOW I'm gunna update at least once every other week (yeah…dat'z da system! Kekeke…), and won't have to wait a half year for an update!

But before I forget (::scratches head:: Did I mention this before…??)…I've counted polls and the such…and the main pairing (Tohru x XY) has been decided! Kekkee…I can't tell u which one it will be…yet! I just hope that those who voted for the other guy won't be disappointed and will keep reading for the ending! 

Kekekke…thank you everyone who put in a vote! XD Personally, I like them (Yuki and Kyou) both…so no worries, I'll make sure whoever lost will end up happie and well off as well…unless too many ppl wants to see an "unrequited love" ending for him XP

With that said…thanx for reading my ficcie and staying this far! I think we're about…halfway through? By the next chappie, everything will be set in place (I hope!) and then…well, I'll be able to tell about how many more chappies there will be? Hahha…useless as this babble was, well…::birds chipping:: ano…what was I saying?? oO Kekkee…blame the overworking summer classes!! A midterm every single week?! That's gotta count for some good reason for my empty-headedness, ne?? n.n

**Mou…I never do this…but this time…**

**Tiva-chan: **::hugz/tears:: thanx for always being here for me buddie! What more can I say…you're the best!!  
**Princess of Darkness and me: **Kekeke…no probs! Email reminders will come wiv every update, for sure!  
**Daine-Wildmage (aka. Kitty): **::blushes:: Awww…thanx for reading them all, desu! Mmmm…I hope that lil blurb up top explains things for you from last chappie…? Sorrie, it was a tad confusing… oO  
**Mademoiselle Morte: **Hahaha…well, I can't give away the whole thing now, can I?? XP Keke…thanx so much for your R&Ring!  
**Lalalalala: **mmm…wonder if I got the right amount of "la"'s? Kekeke…updated!  
**Zeheria: **LoLz...take your time, take your time! Thanks so much for remembering my ficcy and coming it read it!!

**And for everyone else who read…thanx for being so patient and waiting for my fluctuating updates!!**

As usual and always, all criticisms, comments or suggestions are all very very much welcomed…exam essay solutions wouldn't be so bad either!! (Argh…summer skool…can you believe it?! ::sighs:: kekeke…) Please tell me what you think!

Aqua Sunshine XP


End file.
